23 April, 2014

T - Total Jerks

Have you seen this? 
I have issues with the common men who were interviewed.
Depraved, deplorable bastards.

Bottom line: I will wear my short skirts and LBDs, I will get drunk, I will roam around with my friends in the night, I will get stoned, I will back answer and not be passive or quiet, I will watch porn, I will flirt around, I will have an affair with some guy I find hot, I will do everything and anything that pleases me, I will do everything that I feel makes me happy and lets me enjoy the one life that I have.

We all will. Every last one of us.
We will do everything that you have the right to. 

So unless you are Lord Rama who has lived a ‘perfect’ life (note the sarcasm) without having made one mistake, don’t you fucking judge us or our characters.    

And I dare you to lay a hand a finger on any of us on the premise that I am easy. I will fucking castrate you with shaving blade.

P.S: I know this might be extreme but I have been pushed to my limits by the comments those guys make. They make my skin crawl with disgust, make me feel unsafe in the country I call my own – everyday for 12 years I said “India is my country, all Indians are my brothers and sisters and I love my country.” And I said it with complete conviction. Today, I repent it. I repent being in the same category as them. 

P.P.S: I’m sorry, I’m just so bloody angry right now, I couldn't frame any coherent thoughts or paragraphs that I can use to argue my case. How dare they.

22 April, 2014

S - Secret

So let me tell you one. I have another online identity.

You remember a time I was all depressed and I couldn’t string together two sentences together that would make sense because I lost my muse? And then that phase wore on into one of anger against some people? You didn’t notice? Yeah, that’s because I decided this place, this blog, has become so sacred to me that I wouldn’t want to desecrate it with bitching and negativity. Some of it did spill over here but I managed to contain majority of it, so no damage done.

So made myself a nice little nook, online. I don’t follow anyone. No one follows me. And that is the one place, the one thing that has really seen me as me. The stark naked truth without the layers of paint I put on for the sake of seeming normal to society. I wonder if there is another soul who knows me as well. I don’t obsess over what I write there, no pictures, no nothing. I’m not regular, don’t feel the need to be. I generally don’t talk about people. Just plain honesty, written when it is something I can’t share with people – moments of doubt, insecurity, pain. And once I’m done posting, I’m slightly happier, the load usually lifts.

While on most days I am not bothered, there are times when I’m terrified that someone I know will find it.  

Then why am I sharing its existence here? Because it was a toss between sex and secret for ‘S’ and I still haven’t made up my mind about the former. Heehee. Jokes apart, I’m sharing it here because I want your opinion on something: while I don’t have too many deep, dark secrets in my life that at least a couple of people don’t know about, I still don’t trust my own judgement to take a person, another human being, into complete confidence. As need be, I do show my vulnerabilities, but never completely and never to one person. 

What does that say about me? Normal? Or major trust issues? 

21 April, 2014

R - Romance

She coughed and coughed and coughed some more till she could taste blood – when the bout passed, she fell back onto the bare mattress. She was at her very worst – unkempt hair, water had not touched her skin for days on end, three-day-old clothes and crusty eyes. Make-up was a thing that had been left behind in the past. She called out for him, he didn’t seem to be around. The measly medication that they were able to afford was not helping, except to make her woozy and tired all the time and she floated back into a state that was suspended between sleep and consciousness, unbidden tears slipping out of her eyes because of sheer helplessness – the chemotherapy might be working but it was also sapping the quality of her life. When she came to, she could see him sitting on the floor through hazy eyes. Maybe the medicines were working after all, she passed out again.

After a while, she felt the shaking, she opened her eyes. He was looking at her face. Her first thoughts were of how tired he looked. He was asking her to sit up and she did. He brought a plate of freshly-cut fruits, all her favorite ones, toward her and asked her to eat up. She smiled at finally having the appetite for something and she ate. She smiled more at the thought of him having cut the fruits, he who have never lifted a finger in his rich, comfortable life.

When she was done, he scooped her up onto his lap and she automatically curled up against him with her face right next to his scruffy chin. She was about to close her eyes when he pulled out a rose from behind and said, “I love you.” She smiled yet again, this time way wider. He thought this was the most she has smiled in weeks. Perhaps even since her diagnosis.

They curled up together and talked about their days, lives, work, family, home and their dreams. They didn’t know how long they would be able to keep having such moments but… They were content. They were happy in that moment.
And that’s all the romance you really need.

19 April, 2014

Q - Questions

Do you complain about how the country is going to the dogs? Do you consider India’s democracy is a colossal failure of mammoth proportions? Do you believe that the people who lead us are not capable of doing anything good for the country? Do you believe that the very same people do not really care if there is change for the good and that they are only bothered about the power that is granted to them, once in position? Do you believe that is safe to bring up children, especially girls, in this country? 

What have you done to change status quo?
P.S: In light of the 35% turnout for polls on Bangalore election day.

VOTE, you lazy lumps!!!

18 April, 2014

P - Photography

My biggest reason of happiness when my uncle got me a new phone in January 2012 was the 8 MP camera that came with it. I’d suddenly discovered that I had decent framing capabilities and the phone was the best thing that could have happened to me at that point. While I’m ready to move on to the big leagues now and am saving up for one of the fancy DSLRs, I’m under no illusions about my skills – still a very green, very amateur enthusiast. 

Anyway, I share a few special photos, one I carefully call some of my best, for skill and for memory. Most are on my Instagram as well. 

The very first picture with my phone camera, baby Micah curled up on my lap. No edit.  

Grandma’s garden never fails to provide material for my frequent photo ops. No edit.
One of the billion cloud formation photos I have. No edit. 
Feeding an obsession with natural light effects, my first bokeh, right before I left Coimbatore in 2012. Exposure edited.
Another one of Grandma’s perfections, right after the rains. No edit.
Cacti from a road trip, representative of my life at the time. No edit.
Office window visitor. Majestic. Perfect. Exposure edited.
Tales from the pantry. Exposure and color saturation edited.
Coorgi perfection. No edit.
Another bokeh I love for no reason. Bangalore rains. No edit.
Home. Comfort levels. Filter added.
Fire. One that accompanied an intelligent conversation with an intelligent, easy-to-talk-to friend. Exposure edited.
Immediately brightened up my day for I have never been given flowers before. Brightness, exposure edited.
One of those late evenings at the office, Bangalore’s pink sunset. No edit.

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